Who Peed In My Pinot

I’ll Love You Forever

August 4, 2017 3 Comments

I was searching through the boys books last night to find something to read to them. I was hoping to switch it up from Fly Guy and Captain Underpants and find something that didn’t have the words “fart” or “poop” in it. It got harder when I tried to further keep ninjas and legos and superheroes out of the mix as well. And there it was, we hadn’t read it in ages.  Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. The cover alone produced a million memories and feelings.

I’ll love you forever.

Boys, there will come a day when you will be grown, when you will be bigger and taller. I am hopeful for human lap dogs, still cuddly and warm while gigantic and encompassing. Less hairy though, I hope.

It’s not going to last forever my little ones. Soon you won’t fit in this space. Its so cozy here and I never want you to leave. It’s cozy and it’s safe, and I can watch everything you do and keep you from falling. But then you would never fly. And oh how I love to watch you fly. That’s the point of it all isn’t it? I nourished you and was left with rocks in socks as a reminder of how unequivocally amazing my body is. And saggy. It’s amazing and saggy. I made you. Then I made food for you. I was a human bed and breakfast. You screamed at me and now you sass me. Our genes run deep with both of you. You are the reflection of our most vulnerable parts. 

I’ll love you forever.

You smile at me with those eyes, those green eyes, those brown eyes. They fill with tears that only my kisses can wipe away. You babbled with little noises and now you say ridiculous things that force me to decipher what you mean, a strong guess at best, through your constant use of “poop, butt, bugar, fart, and boobies” as the main nouns and verbs of your sentences . You went from squeezie pouches and sippy cups to somehow being trusted with actual silver wear; weapons as far as you’re concerned. If only you could eat everything with a spoon, forever. You graduated from diapers to wiping your own butt, kind of. I now go through more bathroom disinfectant than ever before. One day you will know my angst. It’s a poop residue kind of angst.

I’ll love you forever.

Watching your confused and sympathetic face anytime you’ve caught me crying makes me cry a little harder inside. You’re growing up and developing your senses. You’re learning what it feels like to be hurt, your skin and your feelings. It’s a right of passage, and while part of me never wants that for you, more over, I never want you to be the cause of someone else’s pain. You will fall, you will fail. You will rise up. You will succeed. You will be pushed and bruised, both your muscles and your egos. You will defend yourselves and each other. You are brothers. You are blood brothers, a bond stronger than any other. You will have your hearts broken and learn compassion and empathy because of it. And my boys, that is the only way to learn it, anything less is faking it.

I’ll love you forever.

You exhaust me and you ignite me. I want to be more, for you and because of you. I want to be the epitome of a strong and beautiful woman and teach you what it means to show respect for that (your daddy does an amazing job with that too). And then I want to take a really long nap, only to awaken for gulps of wine and parmesan crisps and then go back to napping. You are like riding a rollercoaster of energy and emotions. You are the Tea Cups, then It’s a Small World, then Mister Toads Wild Ride, then the Light Parade. I love it when you’re the Light Parade. I could watch you play and do and explore and create and imagine all day long. Except when you play video games and watch anything on Cartoon Network…that’s when I ditch you for the nap and wine and cheese crisps.

I’ll love you forever.

I imagine you both grown, with children of your own, defining your own success and happiness. But the images are blurred and pixilated. There are so many possibilities for you, so many things you could be and do…no one picture comes in crystal clear. Except college. For some reason a very lucid vision comes to mind when I imagine you both in college. One on stage rocking out with a microphone after acing a robotics midterm and the other chugging beer and smashing the cans on his head to celebrate helping his team win the Rose Bowl and his A+ in Superhero History class (hoping that’s a thing for him by then). Just saying. But no matter where you go and what you do and who you become,YOU WILL BE KIND. You will work hard for what you want and damn it you will be kind. You will never let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. You will never lose site of your goals. You will live your passion. You will be ferocious and determined. And you will always be kind.

I’ll love you forever.

Through this life that is yours, and this life that is mine,  I will always love you. I will love you even when you accidentally act like an asshole. I will always support you. I will support you even when that may feel like I let you fall. I will always believe in you. I will believe in you at times when you doubt yourself the most. I will always be here for a lapdog size snuggle. I welcome the snuggle. Please don’t ever deny me a snuggle. I will hold you. I’ll love you forever.  I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my babies you’ll be.

mmhelgeson@hotmail.com

3 Comments

  1. Reply

    Jeannie

    August 4, 2017

    As usual u never disappoint your readers. As a mom of 2 boys this one really hit home. You are spot on with your feelings about your boys as I have felt the same many times in their 26 and 22 years.
    It’s not always good times as they grow into adulthood but I wouldnt change a thing. ( a few things maybe) I have learned so much through raising them and like the book sais ” I’ll love them forever”
    Thanks for making me laugh and cry today.
    Big hugs sweet girl

  2. Reply

    Allysun

    August 4, 2017

    Megs,
    Thank you for making me laugh and cry today. This is so spot on and well written. I feel the same on a daily basis. Love you girl!

  3. Reply

    scuba steve

    August 5, 2017

    Water works !!

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